When that happened in India on the ooty train some wag passed a bike pump hand to hand through the windows to the driver who proceded to pump up the wheels then pass the pump back and we started again.

A Scottishman in the buffet car of a British Rail train, I wouldnt expect anything less.
You must have forgotten to mention the 24 empty McEwans Export cans (red tin) that you left neatly stacked on the buffet car table though.

Ah a train journey from hell.

Mcewans aka Red Ex, the only thing I can of that was worse was Tartan Special.

Journey from Aberdeen to Glasgow Queen St, boarding at Aberdeen at the same time as the Souties off the world got off the rigs, sat in first class, it was cases of Red Ex, a few spliffs fired up, the youngsters started passing out round about Montrose or Arbroath, the old hands usually managed to keep going til Dundee, the carriage looked like a bomb had hit it by the time it rocked up in Glasgow, dead bodies all over the place, floor swimming in p**s and spilt beer, probably about 2 ounces of good blow left in the ash trays.
Guys getting off the train and having a "white out", spewing up all over the place, the walk of shame, getting p**sed and falling asleep, you can always spot them, they walk out with their hand on their nuts, they fell asleep and p**sed themselves.
Reminded me of Hawkwind concerts.

Back in the day one of the best p**s ups was the football specials (especially on the way home from a win) until they banned all alcohol on them.
The worst part was getting off the train to a police escort that took you the long route to the ground to prevent ambushes, while hardly being able to stand up.
Also, on route to the ground, every time that you stopped to whiz against a lamp post the crowd would sing a rendition of 'we know what you're doing'.