TTFT
Fricken Tiger
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Post by TTFT on Mar 29, 2021 8:32:15 GMT 7
The original joke:
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me... "Oi, whats your disability?" I said, "Tourettes! now <duck> off you <c**t>!"
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TTFT
Fricken Tiger
Posts: 1,941
Likes: 2,257
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Post by TTFT on Mar 29, 2021 8:33:46 GMT 7
And now the doctored version:
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me... "Oi, whats your disability?" I said, "Broken swear filter syndrome! now freck off you cnut!"
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TTFT
Fricken Tiger
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Likes: 2,257
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Post by TTFT on Mar 29, 2021 8:44:09 GMT 7
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oldie
Crazy Mango Extraordinaire
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Post by oldie on Mar 29, 2021 9:58:46 GMT 7
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TTFT
Fricken Tiger
Posts: 1,941
Likes: 2,257
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Post by TTFT on Mar 29, 2021 14:21:14 GMT 7
What's the difference between a Ferrari and an ex Thai bargirl?
I don't have a Ferrari in my wheelie bin.
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TTFT
Fricken Tiger
Posts: 1,941
Likes: 2,257
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Post by TTFT on Mar 30, 2021 6:23:29 GMT 7
What do a Frenchie and a slinky got in common? Both are frecking useless but it's fun watching them fall down the stairs.
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TTFT
Fricken Tiger
Posts: 1,941
Likes: 2,257
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Post by TTFT on Mar 30, 2021 6:28:07 GMT 7
A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices the gorgeous blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?" She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful. "Christ!" he says "Are you the stripogram from my stag night, who I frecked over the edge of the snooker table in front of all my mates, whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and serviced my arrsehole with half a cucumber...?" . . . . . . . . . . "No," she replied, "I am your son's English Teacher..."
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TTFT
Fricken Tiger
Posts: 1,941
Likes: 2,257
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Post by TTFT on Mar 30, 2021 16:08:29 GMT 7
A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed. "What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, p**sed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"
A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.
"What happened?", he asked.
"Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, p**sed all over the barman, and the beat the crap out of me!"
"Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"
"Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"
"Oh!" replied the grandad. "The SS."
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rubl
Crazy Mango Extraordinaire
The wondering type
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Post by rubl on Mar 30, 2021 17:56:33 GMT 7
A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed. "What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, p**sed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!" A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth. "What happened?", he asked. "Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, p**sed all over the barman, and the beat the crap out of me!" "Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?" "Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?" "Oh!" replied the grandad. "The SS." Heard it before with a slightly different ending. "What happened?", he asked. "Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, p**sed all over the barman, and the beat the crap out of me!" "Oh dear!", replied the grandad, "but at least you didn't pay?"
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TTFT
Fricken Tiger
Posts: 1,941
Likes: 2,257
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Post by TTFT on Mar 31, 2021 6:41:40 GMT 7
A woman has had 5 kids and isn't feeling much 'down below' when having sex with her husband, in fact its hanging there like a ripped out fireplace so she decides to treat herself to a bit of 'nip & tuck' down below to tighten and tidy things up. She wakes up after the operation, and laying in her bed she sees 3 red roses on her bed, each has a note attached, so she reaches over and picks the first one up, which reads... "To Mrs. Bloggs, from your surgeon. - Congrats on the op. in 20 years of doing this job I have never had a better patient. Hope everything works out well for you". Then she reaches for the second note... "To Martha, from your husband. Can't wait to get you home and try out your new flange, it'll be great to feel the sides again, and act like teenagers romping all over the house". Then (inevitably) she gets to the third note, which simply reads...
"From Eric, in the Burns Unit next door..... Thanks for the new ears"
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rubl
Crazy Mango Extraordinaire
The wondering type
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Post by rubl on Mar 31, 2021 10:19:51 GMT 7
When you pronounce Pfizer correctly you can already have infected at least six people
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TTFT
Fricken Tiger
Posts: 1,941
Likes: 2,257
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Post by TTFT on Mar 31, 2021 13:42:48 GMT 7
I was at an ATM machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
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rubl
Crazy Mango Extraordinaire
The wondering type
Posts: 23,515
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Post by rubl on Mar 31, 2021 21:39:36 GMT 7
You know that a bit of loving care helps children overcome nightmares.
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oldie
Crazy Mango Extraordinaire
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Post by oldie on Apr 1, 2021 10:36:20 GMT 7
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Post by rgs2001uk on Apr 1, 2021 21:43:03 GMT 7
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