I'd resuscitate him anyway. 

I know some would beg me not to , but I would.

Lucky for him if it were a choking situation,  I know how to do a tracheotomy.

I would never drink in Soi 11, it's only half the place that Soi 22 is.

OK its time for class so STFU kids and you may learn how to save some poor bugger's life.

1. When you see someone laying there in what you believe to be an unconscious state just make sure its not me or Tony drunk as usual.

Then you should CALL FOR HELP.

I suggest using your rudimentary/expert Thai here unless you happen to be in the British Embassy or the tourist ghetto.


2. BE SURE THE AREA IS SAFE before approaching the poor bugger as you don't want to be electrocuted or smacked about the head with a stiletto by a furious ladyboy now do you?


3. WHACK HIM IN THE CLAVICLE A FEW TIMES. Yes Tony you can hoot the horns I suppose since this is Thailand, just be careful her husband isn't looking.

SHOUT IN BOTH OF THEIR EARS. Especially if they haven't paid their bill, as you want them to wake up if they are not having a serious condition.


4. PUT A HAND ON THEIR FOREHEAD AND TILT UP THEIR CHIN, THEN CHECK FOR ANY SIGNS OF BREATHING FOR 10 SECONDS. This can be abandoned quickly if you discover its a Tory MP.

You are looking for the chest rising and falling...breath sounds or feeling their breath on your ear. In blether's case you should be able to smell the whisky quite clearly.

Anything less than two breaths and you move to the next step.


5. CALL AN AMBULANCE. Of course this step needs a bit of consideration such as which hospital if any can they afford. I have only the will of the Buddha to offer on this one but if a Thai speaker is to hand get them to make the call.


6. BEGIN CPR. You can watch videos of this so I won't bore you with a description but no tongues Tony!

30 chest compressions then two breaths and don't ever do more than two breaths even if you think they were crap. The compressions are more important overall.


7. CONTINUE UNTIL ONE OF THE FOLLOWING THREE THINGS HAPPEN...

1. Ambulance crew take over.
2. They recover.
3. You are too knackered to continue/ the pub opens.

I would also say at step 5 if there is a competent person at hand you should try to get them to locate an AED....that has a much better chance of saving life than anything else you are doing bar getting an ambulance.

There you go you can all walk around going NEE NAW and wearing bright flashing lights an avoid the traffic jams.

Check out my next serious post soon only on THE BIG MANGO!

But when to we get to the exciting bits where we can shove an empty biro in someones throat to make them breath after making a small hole with ones swiss army knife, and can you amputate a finger or a leg with that little saw in your swiss army knife ? If ones doesnt have an AED does a 12 volt battery and jumper cables work the same way ?

Well if you're drinking with me you're finished then .

This may surprise you lot, but I've had once or twice morning 'wake-ups' where I just replied "stop it, just let me lay here and die". Of course a few hours later I would reconsider

That is a tough decision and age and your situation play a big part.

Of course if able then you can choose for yourself.