Being in an international company I'm aware that the correct translation into English can be a bit of a hassle

In a hotel in Zurich
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a cemetery
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

In a Nairobi restaurant
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi
Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

On a poster at Kencom
Are you an adult who cannot read? If so we can help.

In a Bangkok temple
It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.

In a cocktail lounge in Norway
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a doctor’s office in Rome
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a dry cleaners in Bangkok
Drop your trousers here for the best results.

In a Chinese restaurant
Open seven days a week and weekends.

A Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations
Guests are requested not to smoke, or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.

On the menu in a Swiss restaurant
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Japanese bar
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts

In a Croatian hotel
The flattening of underwear with pleasure, is the job of the chambermaid.

In a hotel in Osaka
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox monastery
You are welcome to visit the cemetery, where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily, except Thursday.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site, that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent, unless they are married with each other for this purpose.

A Thai advertisement for donkey rides
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In an airline ticket office in Copenhagen
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Chinese jewellery store
Please don’t touch yourself, let us help you to try out. Thanks!

Since 1-1/2 year people are spread over three or four sites or WFH (aka Work From Home). In that sense it's been quiet for a while already.

Just processing mail and found those 'translations' in a mail from an old Ozzie friend.

With any respect possibly due,
greetings from your beloved Dutch uncle 

Very kind of you rubes, now I cannot stop myself lately I must clarify

1) quiet day at the office means, have you got eff all better to do.?

2)any respect, I think with your innate good breeding you meant - all respect, and possibly wouid be better as possible.


Though far from perfect as is regularly commented on here, I get myself labelled a grammar nazi. Don't know why

Have added possible for possibly.

Feeling fairly chipper today, having finally had my first Moderna from the Memorial yesterday. Also got a 700 baht rebate from the original outrageous price.

Just became available on gutenberg

"GRAMMAR-LAND

OR,

Grammar in Fun for the Children of Schoolroom-shire

BY

M. L. NESBITT
1885"
www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/66712

www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/66712/images/i_frontis.jpg

An explanation of common medical terms:


Artery - The study of paintings

Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria

Barium - What doctors do when patients die

Benign - What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan - Searching for Kitty

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Colic - A sheep dog

Coma - A punctuation mark

Dilate - To live long

Enema - Not a friend

Fester - Quicker than someone else

Fibula - A small lie

Impotent - Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane

Morbid - A higher offer

Nitrates - Rates of Pay for Working at Night, normally more money than Days

Node - I knew it

Outpatient - A person who has fainted

Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis

Post-Operative - A letter carrier

Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery

Rectum - Nearly killed him

Secretion - Hiding something

Seizure - Roman Emperor

Tablet - A small table

Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport

Tumor - One plus one more

Urine - Opposite of you're out