I'm available, the manifesto will include:
The number of pubs to be restored to 1970 levels.
Every village must have at least one.
No person or entity may own more than three pubs.
Real ale must be served from at least 60% of all handpumps, of which there must be at least ten.
Yobbery and wokery will be outlawed.
The police force will be quadrupled in size, no more than 10% may work inside buildings at desks.
Benefits will be disallowed for anyone earning more than 30K, regardless of how many kids you decide to have (if you have 25 kids, it's your problem).
Ministers, MP's, Councillors etc will be graded based solely on job performance, the bottom 5% will be publically hung drawn and quartered every six months.
Lancashire will be subsumed by Yorkshire, you know this only makes sense.
There will be another referendum on the EU, everyone will vote, in public, one at a time....only leave or remain answers will be allowed.....the result will be binding.
Every person in the country will be required to say aloud, twenty times every day, "England is no longer a dominant world power, we are a small country that is no longer a player on the world stage".
Facebook will be outlawed, internet landing stations will filter out access to it.
All social influencers will be deported to a gulag for life.
The naval fleet will be increased by 1,000% and the ships deployed to protect our supply of cod.
Anyone claiming to be anything other than a male or a female will join the social influencers.
That's the important stuff, I'll work on the detail later.
