If all else fails, fart.

Refrain from wearing Lycra and bring your bird with you to order the food unless you are a raving homo that only keeps a woman for appearance sake to make your friends believe you're not really a pillow biting bum chum.

I usually seek out a table with pretty lasses sitting &
politely ask if I may join them....by golly it works.
Then when I start to eat they all scream & run away.

I normally sit down beside someone on their own who's not eating.
They often get upset and start complaining and gesticulating, but since I eat faster than a hyena, I'm normally done before their mates arrive anyway

Never had too many problems ,usually let the Mrs take charge,years ago in Singapore though i was eating some Indian dish,lamb encrusted with spices,when a bit of the spice mix flew off into my eye,i was soon writhing in agony,liberally dousing my eye with water,whilst sort of half slumping in the chair,after i had exhausted to bottle's i asked my by now very embarrassed,girlfriend to get more water and a yogurt,she duly returned,and i flushed the eye again with the water then applied the yogurt,after a few minutes the burning agony had gone i cleaned up,only to see the food hall had all but emptied,those that remained staring in astonishment at me,as well as some unhappy looking vendors,
"spot of chili in the eye" i said,"damn pain full",i smiled,stony glares met me,i quickly paid and exited the place,shortly after wards my girlfriend flew back to England,her hamster was terminal she told me,but i reckon it was the food court incident,as it came to be known,when i returned to the UK some nine months later,we did briefly re-unite,but she confessed to panic attacks every time we went out to eat,after the 'incident',so i guess they can be very hazardous places.

I found a table in the foodcourt but it was occupied.

Can i put my umbrella on an occupied table?