Reports coming from Heaven are indicating that God, creator of the Universe, and all powerful being, who created the earth in six (or was it seven?) days, who refused to allow Noah to put the dinosaurs on the Ark, invented cancer and AIDS and who has a beard; will not allow his son, Jesus Christ, should he manifest anytime soon again on earth, to cure any illness defined as a pre-existing condition.

"Should I exist, and should I then decide to send Jesus back to earth, as it appears some believe; then it needs to be made clear right now, that he will NOT, as he did before (allegedly) cure anyone with a medical condition that was prevalent before his return to earth," said God in a prepared statement.

"Any medical condition that occurred before his return to earth will not be covered by his, or my, miracles," he added, before causing an earthquake, several car crashes and a man to prematurely ejaculate, for no reason.

Many agree with God's plan.

"There will be thousands of people expecting to be cured, Jesus won't have time to do that, therefore it is fair that pre-existing conditions can not be cured, unless they pray out of pocket," said one
priest.

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