Your know your in Bangkok when the really good looking women have a bigger penis than you do

... when your wife goes out to look for some food in the morning and when coming back even brought you some which she'll share with you as her second breakfast.

Mind you, a bit of barbequed pork, sticky rice, palm-oil fried bananas, ice-coffee, could be worse on a Sunday morning

I like to go into the food courts early and put a beach towel on every chair in the place then stand back and watch the fun begin.

Do you measure them ?   That's just a little bit creepy, even by my standards.   

My simple advice is that you should know you are in Bangkok. With that knowledge you might even get a decent taxi.
Good one the other day, loaded all our shopping from Big C, we helped, drove carefully and we had a chat. Then he helped unload all the shopping.
Just saying.

You can get a seventeen course Indian Sunday lunch for under 1000 Baht.

Laughed out loud when I read that, automatically recalled the Canadian girl on the back of the motorbike following us through the dark backstreets of Hanoi.  Our bike swerved and just missed the biggest, ugliest rat I had ever seen.  Without looking back I thought it would take about three seconds before her bike reached it, then the scream came and I knew she had seen it !